The Wonderful World of Marriage

So it's finally official.

My wonderful betrothed and I have set a date to make the next level of our relationship official.

On September 25th, 2009, we will be wed at Guardian Angels Church in the West End of Vancouver.

A funny thing, getting married is. Some people say manogomy is unnatural, and therefore marriage should not be an institution. I disagree whole heartedly. I suppose one can't really appreciate the truly fine art of being one half of a married couple unless they are engaged in a fulfilling, supportive and, most of all, happy relationship. I am one of the fortunate who has found the other half, the answer to all my woes and the end point to my search. This person will become my husband in less than one year.

Getting to this point has been no easy feat, and waiting this long to get married was tough, but probably good for us in the end. We have had almost 3 years to live, love, laugh, yell, cry, and be together before the day of our marriage - which I wouldn't trade for anything. Many lessons have been learned.

Again about the lessons, you say? Yes, as I have used all of my such lessons to base my values and beliefs on.

I have learned that revenge is a dish best never served in any relationship, and guilt tripping is not something that should be used to obtain any goals...no matter how overwhelmingly frustrated you get. I've also learned that I hate being the only one who does dishes, but that I prefer the level of quality washing I do rather than his. I know about motivation, and I know that it's harder to motivate someone else than it is to motivate myself. I also know that having someone else by your side is motivating in itself.

So my fiance and I just completed the compulsory Marriage Preparation course to allow us to be married in the Catholic Chirch. If I were to say anything about what I've learned, I would have to be honest and say that I've learned more from this course alone than I have in almost 3 years of my relationship. I think the reason why is because it is tremendously helpful to have experts tell you what is good communication and what is bad communication. Also helpful is all of the writing and talking exercises we had to do surrounding things like what we like about eachother, and what we think of having children. I believe there is a certain stigma attached to these courses, and let me tell you all of mine were dispelled after we completed the program.

It gave us stuff to talk and think about, such as how large of a family we want, how we want to raise our kids, what we are going to commit to working on in our relationship and many others. Bottom line is that it was a good experience and I think we are more prepared than ever to become married.

Now comes the fun part...the planning. We are still in the early stages, but things are already starting to shape up.

In the coming weeks, as the count down continues I will post updates about how things are going.

Until then, let's eat some cake!

Change.

Change. The only thing we can really count on is that nothing will stay the same. It's with this thought in mind that I try to step into the abyss of accepting change and making it happen (not to mention making sense of it).

I have a couple of huge changes that I have to embrace and jump into with both feet, and I find myself having moments of weakness when I question if I have the strength to push myself to do it. Personal strength is not something people are born with, I believe it comes from witnessing our close loved ones struggle in their daily lives. If I had not been front row and center to my mothers struggles as a single family unit, I don't think I would be as head strong and caring as I am.

That being said, I think we also learn from our loved ones what we need to change with regards to what they have taught us. The amount of wisdom I have gained from this type of inner reflection is growing on a daily basis, but I often still have a hard time keeping my perspective.

Perspective is also a funny thing. Like change, the only thing you can count on is that it won't stay the same. I know my perspective has morphed into many different things over the years, and I've noticed that mostly I am in control of how it does or does not adapt to the things happening around me.

My perspective currently tells me that life is too short to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy and makes your life shorter, so I've come to the conclusion that change is inevitable and imminent. I can say with confidence that this unhappy situation that I find myself in has taught me lessons that I will carry by my side for the rest of my life (which hopefully will become longer and more prosperous once I make that fearful first step into change).

I've learned about difficult people, and people who have almost no ability to have decent interpersonal communications with others. I have learned that these situations are immensely frustrating, and it is fruitless to lose sleep over them. I have also learned how sick a person can really feel because of stress. I have witnessed this type of stress take out even the most healthy looking people, and I have felt it affect on my own mental health. I learned from this difficult situation the value of physical activity, and how much it can do to improve one's outlook on life, and I've taken what I learned and started to apply it without counting on someone I felt obliged to.

I've learned about loss, financial and mental, but I'm glad to say that it wasn't my financial loss. Mental, well, that's a different story. But overall I take responsibility and say that I have learned what is and what is not worth losing my head over. I've learned that I don't like working for crazy people, people who say something and forget entirely about it just a few hours later, but I've also learned that some people can't keep things straight - for themselves or others.

So, overall the lessons I take away with me are of great value, but gaining them has been fairly painful. Dealing with pain is another thing I've learned a lot about, but I'll save that for next time.

Let's hope I can elongate my life, and find a happy place in the near future!!!

The Champagne Birthday

Today is August 19, 2008. In 6 days I will be turning 25, on the 25th. Ever since I was a kid I remember being excited for this day because I knew I would be a grown up on my champagne birthday, and this ultimately meant I could have grown up fun!



Well now the day is almost here, and I'm getting a wave of different feelings regarding this day I've been waiting for. I feel a bit older, more accomplished and ready to approach 30. On that note, I feel terrified that I AM so close to being 30. But then again, what's in a number? It's only a number...right? I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I get there.



You have to admit, it's pretty cool that I'm turning 25 on the 25th of the month. A lot of people I've talked to were very young when their chamgagne birthday happened, and didn't get to celebrate it in style. But not me! I'm excited to have a fun birthday and a vacation from work, so the count down is almost unbearable!



My awesome fiance has been planning some sort of shindig for months now, and I'm about to go crazy wondering what's going on! Just a few more days is all I can tell myself...just a few more days...

The, not so secret, secret pool...

Yesterday I discovered a most wonderful and surprising place in the forested ravine of Lynn Valley. The sign calls it "30 Foot Pool", but this name barely does the place justice.

My mother being the ultimate Vancouver adventurist, has introduced me to many breath taking experiences throughout the city and surrounding areas. Today was no different. Also with us was Alizah, the older sister of my friend Akber.

After we hiked for a good 45 minutes, we came across it, right at the base of what my mother called "el capitan" - the excruciating stair case leading back to the beginning. I couldn't really see the depth of the pool until I got close, but the inviting clarity of the water in the shallower areas was an indication of the beauty I had come upon. I carefully climbed over the treacherous rock leading to the shore, and then I saw it...deep, green and clear - the water was being fed into the pool by a gush coming from seemingly nowhere.

The water is cold enough to loose the feeling in your fingers in under 20 seconds, then you ironically can't feel the cold anymore. I suppose the shock of jumping into this pool would be substantial, but I was tempted none the less...tempted, but not crazy!

It's places like this that remind me of home, the water and forest. Nature is a major favourite of mine and I seek out that nature to ground myself and re-gain perspective on life and the things that really matter. I can't wait to take my fiance there so that we might fall deeper in love jut for the sake of the beauty around us. I'm sure he'll love the massive staircase to get out of the canyon as well.

Overall it was a great place to get some peace and some exercise, and I plan to be a frequent visitor.

What a difference a day makes.

I find it quite amusing that some of the most common and well known phrases are also featured in the lyrics of memorable music. Thinking about music brings up a lot of feelings and thoughts for me because most of my important life events can be linked to the specific music I listened to at the time.

Take for example, the very emotional song that is attached to the events surrounding my father. "Oh Father" by Madonna is that song, and there isn't a single time I've listened to it that I haven't been taken back to the memories of the pain and heart break. This song has also always given me hope that there is still a small part of him that misses me and wishes he never stopped seeing me.

When I think back on my high school days, some of my fondest music was from artists such as Sublime, Our Lady Peace, Smashing Pumpkins, Jewel, Madonna...and the list just goes on and on. Actually defining my music taste is quite difficult considering I went from the above mentioned to my later days of high school with techno, house and jungle. This was what I remember as the "rave days".

Techno music carried me through some good and bad times, but it's influence is still alive and well in my playlists.

Speaking of playlists...they are actually my obsession. I am always seeking the perfection of my playlists, making sure their fine tunes are well mixed and integrated takes some serious thought! The right playlist can actually ease the dreaded floor mopping and dish washing I've become so phenomenally talented at.

The final frontier for me will be creating my own music, something I have yearned to do for a very long time. I think my dream will come true this year, as it finally might be possible for me to fund the programs I need to get started on it. All it will take is a bit of practice and some help from my man, who is a whiz at all kinds of things.

One thing that I'm hoping will come back to me as well is my opportunity for performance. Music is not only my passion, but my God given talent as well. I was fortunate to be blessed with an ear for pitch and excellent vocal cords, which when combined and used, create a sound that is all my own. A sound that I was known for back in my home town. I really miss being a singer. My soul hungers for it as a total release of expression and feeling. When I don't sing, a little piece of my soul dies inside.

But not to worry, my soul still has many songs inside it, and I will make my voice heard throughout the land.

Maybe you should write a book...

I'll always remember my mother saying this to me, and it's this splinter in my mind that has finally spurred me to begin documenting my thoughts and feelings. This will be the chronicle of the places I've been, the people I've met, and all the crazy shit I've experienced along the way. I also have a lot to say about where I'm going, and where I see myself in the game of life.

Where to begin...this is always the hardest part for me. The memories I have are scattered throughout my brain, and sometimes recalling them is not the easiest of tasks. I suppose the best place for me to start is where I am right now.

I live in the bustling metropolis of Vancouver, and unfortunately I am forced to work a day job to pay the rent. I'm engaged to the best man on earth, and we're finally ready to start planning our special day. We've been together now for almost 2 and 1/2 years, the 2nd anniversary of our engagement is fast approaching along with my most special birthday: number 25. I have many comical memories of my time with him so far, all of which have helped to build on my knowledge of men in general. I have many hidden talents, like washing dishes and singing, but one of them gets more cultivation than it deserves due to my enslavement to domesticity. I sometimes like to sing when I do dishes, it helps a little if I'm mad about having to do them. Just because I'm good at washing dishes, doesn't mean I like to do it. I love butter chicken, but had never tasted it in my life until about 8 months ago. 8 Months ago was also when my fiance's friend Akber moved to this city from Toronto. He is now one of our closest and most trusted friends.

I love music more than butter chicken, and have an unfortunate addiction to iTunes. Yes, I BUY my music instead of illegally downloading it from the net. I like to think of myself as a collector of music. Music helps me think, remember, imagine and create. I'm still trying to solidify the soundtrack to my life...but this topic will be for another day.

I like pretty and sparkly things...and expensive things. My fiance tells me all the time that all I do is spend his money. That's only half true, however. I also spend my money. The money I make from the job I am forced to work at to pay the rent.

This is the full circle description of my life. Minus the details - which I'll roll out over time. It's my experiences and feelings that inspired my mom to suggest that I write a book, but just the thought of doing something that involved was enough to stop me from writing at all. Blogging seems like a great solution! Here I can review tidbits and form them into something much greater at a later time. This is how I shall write my book.