The Wonderful World of Marriage

So it's finally official.

My wonderful betrothed and I have set a date to make the next level of our relationship official.

On September 25th, 2009, we will be wed at Guardian Angels Church in the West End of Vancouver.

A funny thing, getting married is. Some people say manogomy is unnatural, and therefore marriage should not be an institution. I disagree whole heartedly. I suppose one can't really appreciate the truly fine art of being one half of a married couple unless they are engaged in a fulfilling, supportive and, most of all, happy relationship. I am one of the fortunate who has found the other half, the answer to all my woes and the end point to my search. This person will become my husband in less than one year.

Getting to this point has been no easy feat, and waiting this long to get married was tough, but probably good for us in the end. We have had almost 3 years to live, love, laugh, yell, cry, and be together before the day of our marriage - which I wouldn't trade for anything. Many lessons have been learned.

Again about the lessons, you say? Yes, as I have used all of my such lessons to base my values and beliefs on.

I have learned that revenge is a dish best never served in any relationship, and guilt tripping is not something that should be used to obtain any goals...no matter how overwhelmingly frustrated you get. I've also learned that I hate being the only one who does dishes, but that I prefer the level of quality washing I do rather than his. I know about motivation, and I know that it's harder to motivate someone else than it is to motivate myself. I also know that having someone else by your side is motivating in itself.

So my fiance and I just completed the compulsory Marriage Preparation course to allow us to be married in the Catholic Chirch. If I were to say anything about what I've learned, I would have to be honest and say that I've learned more from this course alone than I have in almost 3 years of my relationship. I think the reason why is because it is tremendously helpful to have experts tell you what is good communication and what is bad communication. Also helpful is all of the writing and talking exercises we had to do surrounding things like what we like about eachother, and what we think of having children. I believe there is a certain stigma attached to these courses, and let me tell you all of mine were dispelled after we completed the program.

It gave us stuff to talk and think about, such as how large of a family we want, how we want to raise our kids, what we are going to commit to working on in our relationship and many others. Bottom line is that it was a good experience and I think we are more prepared than ever to become married.

Now comes the fun part...the planning. We are still in the early stages, but things are already starting to shape up.

In the coming weeks, as the count down continues I will post updates about how things are going.

Until then, let's eat some cake!

Change.

Change. The only thing we can really count on is that nothing will stay the same. It's with this thought in mind that I try to step into the abyss of accepting change and making it happen (not to mention making sense of it).

I have a couple of huge changes that I have to embrace and jump into with both feet, and I find myself having moments of weakness when I question if I have the strength to push myself to do it. Personal strength is not something people are born with, I believe it comes from witnessing our close loved ones struggle in their daily lives. If I had not been front row and center to my mothers struggles as a single family unit, I don't think I would be as head strong and caring as I am.

That being said, I think we also learn from our loved ones what we need to change with regards to what they have taught us. The amount of wisdom I have gained from this type of inner reflection is growing on a daily basis, but I often still have a hard time keeping my perspective.

Perspective is also a funny thing. Like change, the only thing you can count on is that it won't stay the same. I know my perspective has morphed into many different things over the years, and I've noticed that mostly I am in control of how it does or does not adapt to the things happening around me.

My perspective currently tells me that life is too short to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy and makes your life shorter, so I've come to the conclusion that change is inevitable and imminent. I can say with confidence that this unhappy situation that I find myself in has taught me lessons that I will carry by my side for the rest of my life (which hopefully will become longer and more prosperous once I make that fearful first step into change).

I've learned about difficult people, and people who have almost no ability to have decent interpersonal communications with others. I have learned that these situations are immensely frustrating, and it is fruitless to lose sleep over them. I have also learned how sick a person can really feel because of stress. I have witnessed this type of stress take out even the most healthy looking people, and I have felt it affect on my own mental health. I learned from this difficult situation the value of physical activity, and how much it can do to improve one's outlook on life, and I've taken what I learned and started to apply it without counting on someone I felt obliged to.

I've learned about loss, financial and mental, but I'm glad to say that it wasn't my financial loss. Mental, well, that's a different story. But overall I take responsibility and say that I have learned what is and what is not worth losing my head over. I've learned that I don't like working for crazy people, people who say something and forget entirely about it just a few hours later, but I've also learned that some people can't keep things straight - for themselves or others.

So, overall the lessons I take away with me are of great value, but gaining them has been fairly painful. Dealing with pain is another thing I've learned a lot about, but I'll save that for next time.

Let's hope I can elongate my life, and find a happy place in the near future!!!