Change.

Change. The only thing we can really count on is that nothing will stay the same. It's with this thought in mind that I try to step into the abyss of accepting change and making it happen (not to mention making sense of it).

I have a couple of huge changes that I have to embrace and jump into with both feet, and I find myself having moments of weakness when I question if I have the strength to push myself to do it. Personal strength is not something people are born with, I believe it comes from witnessing our close loved ones struggle in their daily lives. If I had not been front row and center to my mothers struggles as a single family unit, I don't think I would be as head strong and caring as I am.

That being said, I think we also learn from our loved ones what we need to change with regards to what they have taught us. The amount of wisdom I have gained from this type of inner reflection is growing on a daily basis, but I often still have a hard time keeping my perspective.

Perspective is also a funny thing. Like change, the only thing you can count on is that it won't stay the same. I know my perspective has morphed into many different things over the years, and I've noticed that mostly I am in control of how it does or does not adapt to the things happening around me.

My perspective currently tells me that life is too short to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy and makes your life shorter, so I've come to the conclusion that change is inevitable and imminent. I can say with confidence that this unhappy situation that I find myself in has taught me lessons that I will carry by my side for the rest of my life (which hopefully will become longer and more prosperous once I make that fearful first step into change).

I've learned about difficult people, and people who have almost no ability to have decent interpersonal communications with others. I have learned that these situations are immensely frustrating, and it is fruitless to lose sleep over them. I have also learned how sick a person can really feel because of stress. I have witnessed this type of stress take out even the most healthy looking people, and I have felt it affect on my own mental health. I learned from this difficult situation the value of physical activity, and how much it can do to improve one's outlook on life, and I've taken what I learned and started to apply it without counting on someone I felt obliged to.

I've learned about loss, financial and mental, but I'm glad to say that it wasn't my financial loss. Mental, well, that's a different story. But overall I take responsibility and say that I have learned what is and what is not worth losing my head over. I've learned that I don't like working for crazy people, people who say something and forget entirely about it just a few hours later, but I've also learned that some people can't keep things straight - for themselves or others.

So, overall the lessons I take away with me are of great value, but gaining them has been fairly painful. Dealing with pain is another thing I've learned a lot about, but I'll save that for next time.

Let's hope I can elongate my life, and find a happy place in the near future!!!